When it comes to sex, people can be very funny about their kinks. The thing is, everyone has one. Whether it’s balloons, chains or calling their partner ‘daddy’.
The latter example causes quite a bit of confusion among those who have never tried it. To many, it may seem like people are actually fantasising that their partner is their father. I can tell you right now – that’s not the case. For many years, people have called their significant other ‘baby’ – and no one’s batted an eyelid. We don’t think that people who say that are pretending that their partner is their child, so why doesn’t it work the other way around?
Well Broadly decided to find out once and for all what the reasoning is behind the term. They spoke to Sex Therapist Vanessa Marin who explained: “Yes, ‘daddy’ can mean ‘father,’ but we also use the word to indicate when someone is the boss, in charge, a protector, or doing a good job. That’s usually the meaning women are going for in the bedroom. It’s a bit of a 70s porn cliche. I’ve never run across a woman who called her partner ‘daddy’ because she genuinely liked fantasising that he was her father.”
It looks like this particular phenomenon is based very heavily in the DDlg community. DDlg is a relationship in the BDSM community, meaning Daddy Dom and little girl. Like many BDSM-focused relationships, there is a dominating figure, and a submissive one. As explained by Urban Dictionary: “Daddy Dom / Little Girl. DDLG, or dd/lg, is a relationship in which one person is the caregiver or ‘daddy’ and the other is childlike. It is NOT a relationship between an actual father and daughter or any minor. This is a type of BDSM relationship that may or may not involve sex, but often involves play with child-like things, such as stuffed animals, bed-time stories, and spankings. The lg part of the relationship is often called the ‘little’.”
Broadly then spoke to Dr. Margaret Squires who said that she doesn’t believe there’s anything pedophiliac about daddy-talk. She explained: “I think that when that language comes up, it’s just as likely to be in a healthy relationship. You’re getting back to very early warm attachments.”
When asked about DDlg: “Sometimes people are merely recognizing a pattern in their relationship. That’s why we have relationships, so we can rely on each other. It’s not necessary for everyone to be equally strong in all things.”